Prayer

My wife and I are faithful and church-going Episcopalians. As I've said before, we love our church, our priest and the people with whom we attend.

Prayer is one area in which I struggle. I think of all the things I want for others or for myself, and there seem to be so many things that it just makes my head spin because I can't touch every base. Then I wonder if it's the right thing to pray for, then think if there's anything/anyone I've missed (because I want all these good things for all my friends). Then I wonder if God would want it... etc. I think these things into the ground and then I revert to the Lord's Prayer, which I think of as a 'catch all.'

In addition, some of what we pray during the service is 'corporate' prayer, where one person reads the prayer and the congregation responds. After 40 years in the Episcopal church, I'm starting to come around on this kind of prayer, but it seems a little automatic to me. I need to 'feel' my prayer-- have it come from the heart. Yet I realize that's not always possible.

That leads me to ponder a little more what prayer is. I've always thought of it as a discrete act-- where I stop whatever I'm doing and pray. But can prayer be more of a permanent way of thinking-- a kind of 'who you are/what you want/what you believe in' sort of state? I'm no theologian, but if the Lord knows the wants and desires of our own heart, and if no secrets are hid from him...

Anyway, Christmas has been here for five weeks for us retail types. I had no idea so many people bought shoes as presents. I've allowed myself to get a little more wrapped up in the spirit of the occasion. Typically, if everyone else likes it, I hate it. Simple as that. I know it's wrong, but it's where I'm at. So I've been playing my favorite Christmas CD and kind of ingesting it, since I seem to do a good job of absorbing my religion musically. There's a reason we do this, I get it, but it's also OK to enjoy the season and have fun.

I'm starting to understand that a little bit.