I have a really bad tendency to get worked up over nothing. If there is no dissonance in my life, I'll think of something so that I can have some discord in my head. Something to stew and be upset about. It doesn't matter what it is-- some hateful words, an injustice, some disrespect-- I can turn it into instant angst. I seem to have a need to feel the sorrow of others and pull it onto myself. I know it's not healthy (I have problems of my own), but it's just how I am.
This is the end of a week when I've had to deal with that. I'm thinking of a situation at work where I feel there is injustice. The situation doesn't even concern me, and I realize that. It involves people who are grown adults, capable of making their own decisions. However, I can let my mind grab hold of this scenario, add a few ingredients, and whip it up into an incredible yoke to carry.
Thing is, I'm the only one who feels this way. I've worked with or spoken to each person recently, and there is no vibe from either of them to suggest that there is any beef or problem with me. I guess that's an important thing in my eyes, as well-- that I'm not bringing any discord into the world. But whatever's going on is not my problem. Might not even be theirs. But I've taken what I know (or think I know) of the situation, added a few details, thought about how I'd feel, and poof! I've got instant crisis. That I'm not part of the inner circle (which may be part of the problem-- flat out jealousy) and don't have all of the facts are irrelevant. I know what's best and I know justice isn't being served.
But it just doesn't matter what I think, and it never did.
So I'm working on getting control of what goes on in my head. It's been a challenge.
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